June 13, 2001
A couple of weeks ago, a friend said to me, “So, are you getting a lot of rejection?” And I said, “No. I’m not trying hard enough right now.”
I have been holding back from really trying because I didn’t want anyone to tell me that my work that I might be proud of was nothing more than rubbish. I didn’t want anyone to say to me ‘how dare you quit your secure job just to live out some silly dream.’ I didn’t want to hear that I am not a writer.
Then I decided to not care so much. If doing what you love to do is the goal of finding a job, then I know that writing is the job for me. I can’t imagine anything else I’d rather do than create. And I figure that I have suffered far worse bruising than hearing, “I’m sorry, your article doesn’t fit with what we are currently looking for.”
Once I got over my fear of rejection, things started to open up. I started to do more writing and creating. I wasn’t so concerned with first draft perfection anymore. I began to feel a little freer.
And once that started to happen, I was able to reach out to others without a fear of their reactions. I had begun to contact artists and writers whose work had inspired me. I wanted to tell them thank you or bravo for work well done. And the amazing thing was, they all wrote back. They never wrote back negative things, they never told me to stop writing, and they never asked me who did I think I was stepping into their arena.
In fact, they all gave me encouragement. They all gave me inspiration. And they all gave me a sense of normalcy in that all this confusion, fear, self doubt, sense of being overwhelmed, insecurity, madness is perfectly normal.
I’ve never had any writer or artist friends before, and I’ve never known anyone who has gone down this path before. I was feeling so alone and that I must be some kind of fake because of all my insecurities or non-published works. I would never have imagined that people who have had artistic success could ever feel this way too. I was so naive that thinking that because I held admiration for them, that they must always have artistic success and not the same struggles that I have.
It was such a comfort to get encouragement back from others who are like me. It just seemed to calm any jitters I had or answer any questions I had felt about if this is the right thing to do. Their email, their encouragement, has meant more than anything I could ever put into words.
I think that is why documenting my journey on this website is so important to me. Because I want people to know that even when things are hard and frustrating, it’s ok. That if you can stick to your dream and ride out the rougher waves, you’ll get something wonderful back in return. That if you’re willing to try that perhaps that sometimes is enough.
But I think the most important thing I could share is that success comes in all different forms and not overnight. And the trick is to figure out when you have it, when to wait for it, and when to keep trying.
And when I’ve figured that out, I’ll let you know.