July 01, 2001
There are boxes that need to be unpacked, furniture that has to be arranged, and grocery shopping that has to be done. But I’m making it wait because I have more important things to do today. Like my art.
When I decided to do writing full time, what I actually wanted to do was art full time. Writing would be the focus because I believe that’s where the majority of my talent lies and it’s the easiest thing for me to do. However, I’ve wanted to become more creative and artistically free, and so I decided, a little fearfully, to embrace art.
I’ve handed myself some weapons-a book, some paint, some furniture, some canvas, pencils, pens, and an imagination. Armed and (hopefully) dangerous, I’m going to start to create whatever I want.
Jumping into art, however, is a bit intimidating. As a person who can only draw stick figures, and whose apartment is in all shades of bland, I feel it’s an almost daunting task to create and come alive artistically. I want to be able to just jump into everything, have an apartment filled with finished art projects, and be at the top level of creation. I know, though, that I have to start somewhere, and that somewhere needs to be small.
So, the other day I transformed an old, beaten-up wooden chair into a stunning bright raspberry-coloured masterpiece. All I did was paint it one colour, but I felt proud because not only had I chosen such a bold colour, but because I had done something. Doing that one thing got my mind humming with more ideas.
Since then, I’ve been going to paint shops and getting paint chips to decide which colours will go on what walls in my apartment. Instead of buying art, I’ve decided to try to make some of my own, frame it, and hang it on my walls. And I’ve also decided to sign up for an art class, because I’m now only a couple of blocks away from the local Arts Centre. And I’m hoping that I’ll be able to volunteer there as well.
I’ve been a shadow artist for so long-always admiring others works and never feeling like I could be one of them. I have always been drawn to artists and their art, but I never embraced any of it because I felt that I wasn’t very good, and so what right did I have to try to be a part of it? I never attempted art because I thought that I should leave creating to “real artists.” I always failed before I tried, and that has bothered me for a very long time.
I think if you have a passion, a longing, or even just a tiny place in your heart for something, you should embrace it, even if it’s scary or you feel it’s out of your league. Just painting one chair, one simple chair made me feel better than any longing ever did.
It made me wonder why it took me so long to begin.