July 30, 2001
Chris & I were visiting my family recently and they asked how work was going.
“Whose work?” I asked.
“Well, I was asking Chris but you could answer that too, I guess.”
“My work is going really well,” I said slightly proud.
“Oh really? Are you writing anything?”
“Yes, and I’ve got quite a few projects that I’m working on and they’re rather exciting,” I said, trying not to reveal too much.
“What, like published projects?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Really?” they said in disbelief.
Even though I declared that I was going to write for a living, even though I told them in detail what my plan was and that I was going to achieve a goal, I don’t think they quite believed me.
If, however, I said I was going to climb the corporate ladder or strive for ‘x’ position in the company, or by 2002 I would have the biggest title one could imagine, I think, they would have understood that and believed me when I achieved that.
Writing hasn’t been seen as a profession in my family. And, to a large extent, still isn’t seen as such by the rest of the world.
That’s a large reason why I haven’t shared with them my website yet, or my publishing offers. It’s not that I’m afraid of their reaction, or even that it would be negative, but I think that right now, I need support and encouragement, and above all, the belief that this is possible. I need people who when hearing that I’m writing, have their ears perk up and their eyes open up and say “wonderful!” I need to hear that what I’m doing is worthwhile and real.
The hard part with regards to my family and some friends, is that they really think that I’m at home watching t.v. with my feet up. That I’m calling myself a writer to hide from “the real world” and that perhaps I’ll tire of this and go out and get a “real job.” This, they think, is just another one of my crazy schemes.
I’ve been corresponding with Keri, who is a fabulous illustrator, and she told me that she works harder now than she ever did in any office job, and that in fact, she’d like a weekend off one day. I understand that. For me, I am constantly writing. Each step I make outside gives me material to write about. I am composing articles in my sleep. My brain isn’t ever stopping and I can get up at sunrise and write until it’s dark – without realising it. I work so much harder now, because my job now, means so much more.
I feel that the way my family, and some of my friends view my work is like a double edged sword; on one hand it inspires me to work hard to prove them that I am a writer and that I can be published and get paid for what I write. But on the other hand, the fear of failing and hearing them say “see, now just go back to the office jobs” keeps me from writing.
I suppose that is why I am just keeping a little quieter around the people who don’t view what I’m doing in the most positive way. Because I have to do what I have to, and I don’t feel like defending it. I’ve made my choice, and now it’s time to show that it was the right one.
My idea is that when my first published article comes out this fall, I will send them each a copy of it, and say “I told you so. And this is only the beginning.”
Because really, it is.