Oct. 05, 2001

I have no idea what makes this day different from any other, except that today I am full of energy, flowing thoughts and ready to write.

The past week has been slow writing wise and I could come up with a million and one reasons as to why. The man that has been power blasting our Condo walls outside has been loud making it really impossible to concentrate. I’ve had more errands to run than I can count. I finished up my little job. I had art class and had to study and prepare for presentations. I was sick. And on and on and on.

But I don’t think any of that is a really valid reason to not write or put the effort in, they were just excuses.

I had thoughts in my head I wanted to put down on paper – in fact I had about a million. The problem was I couldn’t get past a certain stage when writing. I couldn’t get it onto paper. I was so blocked, just pure, simple blocked. I couldn’t even read because I couldn’t concentrate long enough on some one else’s words because all I wanted to do was write my own.

Normally, when this would happen, this blocking, I’d beat myself up over it.

“You’re being lazy!” I’d cry. “If you were a real, disciplined writer, you could do it.” or “You need to get your act together, quit waiting for the perfect words, just write! Write now!”

I’d get frustrated, call myself names, feel stupid, lazy, and nothing like a writer. But then I realised that I wasn’t writing because I was stupid or lazy but because I merely had a block, and I had to work through it somehow.

Once I stopped treating myself like crap for not writing, I started to slowly release the block. I reckoned it kind of to having a pinched nerve, and you have to slowly massage the area over and over to release the nerve and let all the blood flow properly again.

I’ve been working on my block for the past few days. What I needed was one whole day of silence (or at least 3 hours), of letting the dishes stay in the sink, of playing some music that I needed to hear and dancing to it. Of walking out under the trees and sun. Of watching the water. Of not reading others work. Of just feeling like I’m OK and on the right path and it will all come together when it comes together.

And by doing that, I was able to just get back to writing today with so much energy and freedom. I was excited to have my fingers typing at 90 words per minute again and hearing the beautiful rhythm of my fingers touch the keys.

Which is good, because I have a rewrite to do for my next article. And since this is my first rewrite, and first time working with an editor, I need all the energy I can muster.

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