I remember when I first told my family that I had given notice at my corporate job and that I was going to be a writer – it was the same weekend I had made the decision. I had met my mum and my sister at a restaurant as they were in town visiting. They both sat across from me and it took me about half an hour to get up the courage to tell them.

Once I did I was met with a very strange look from my half-sister who is 8 years older than I. “Writing?” she said, “Seriously?” “Yes,” I said, “writing.” “Huh, I didn’t know you did that. What kind of writing?”

I tried to explain what I did to her but she just didn’t get it at that point. She couldn’t comprehend it and that was OK, because I didn’t expect her to. However, over the next few months when I would talk to her, she would make certain comments that were supposed to be taken as sisterly teasing but they made me nervous. I felt like I had to prove something but I had nothing.

This made me very quiet around her and the rest of the family about all that I was doing. I was labled “sneaky” for this, but I was used to that title so it didn’t bother me. Sneaky was what a person was when they had to hide something personal so they wouldn’t be teased. And I didn’t want to be teased about this.

Yet last week my sister sent me an email (which is a rare, rare thing) and it said: “Congratulations on your article our fingers are crossed for your up and coming column “Ann Landers”!!! Seriously we are all very proud and happy for you!! Please send us a copy of your article when you receive it.”

This really touched me. This was a big moment for us; it was an acceptance of my writing. It didn’t come in April when I frist told her, but it came nonetheless when she was ready.

I wrote her a reply back that said: Thanks a lot for saying this – it really meant a lot. Sometimes I feel like the crazy black sheep of the family because I’ve been all over the place and I guess when I decided to do my writing I was really afraid that it’d be seen as “just another crazy phase” kind of thing.

But this is the most serious, most important thing I’ve ever done in my life, and it was really really scary to just declare myself a writer and have a job that is kind of unorthodox. Also, I was afraid that with writing, people wouldn’t see me as working hard or being successful because it’s harder to measure when your job is to write. With an office job, you can measure the success with promotions and raises, but with writing, there’s nothing to measure against – especially in the beginning.

And that’s why I was quiet about all of this at first because I was just really scared of people’s reactions once they’d heard I’d decided to write for a living. I didn’t want them to think I was escaping from “the real world” or that I was crazy or lazy or not ambitious or that I just didn’t want to work hard.

I was really sensitive at first to people’s reactions because a lot of people teased me or made comments – comments that should have just washed off my back but because I was insecure in the beginning, they made me just hide instead. But I’ve become more comfortable over the past few months with who I am and with what I do, and I know now that I’m a writer regardless if some people don’t understand or agree with it. I have to write, there’s just no other way about it. When I write I feel complete, I feel happy, useful, passion, excited and most importantly, proud.

Over the years I’ve always wanted to find a job I loved and for the first time, I’ve found it. And not only that, I’m good at it too. I know this because I have received so much positive feedback from people from 13 to 72. And my first article that came out really hit home with people and made them remember their own dream and their own passion and that was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had.

Typing an 800 word article felt more powerful to me than any fancy title I ever had at the office. Some days I get frustrated, especially when my brain just won’t cooperate and I have a deadline to make. Or I get frustrated with the fact that I’m not actually making a living at this yet. But I just have to remind myself that I’ve only been doing this since April, and I’ve only really been listening to myself since then too. All this is still so new and there is still so much I have to learn that it’s OK if I’m not perfect at it yet, and that’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

I will try to share more and be more brave with talking about it, and hearing that you support me in a real way will help me do that. Because for the first time in my life, I feel so proud of who I am and what I’m doing. I feel for the first time a sense of accomplishment – probably because not only is this the most personal thing I’ve ever done, but because it was on of the hardest too.”

Tweet This Post