Nov. 05, 2001
Whoever coined the term “starving artist” knew what they were talking about.
My last three jobs were for Big Corporate America and in those jobs I had a very nice salary that came at the exact same time twice a month. With that salary I didn’t have too many financial concerns because all of our living expenses were met with Chris’ salary. The money I earned was travel, home, friends, family and our savings account.
However, now that I am working for myself in a creative field where paycheques aren’t given every other week, budgeting is crucial. Without the addition of a secure second income, money is tight and what is wanted is completely different than what is needed.
I had signed up for a painting class that was to start tomorrow. I was terribly excited because this would be my very first ever art class and I really believed this would help me with my creativity, especially since the class was called, “Painting – Passion and Process.” Yet today I cancelled the class because I couldn’t afford the supplies on the supply list.
Although I live comfortably in a home that’s nice and has food in the fridge, there are moments when things like cancelling an art class, or not being able to buy a needed book, or forgoing certain supplies makes me frustrated. It shouldn’t be about the money, I keep telling myself, it should be about how I feel. But reality comes along and knocks my idealised arse to the ground and I’m left sitting on the floor feeling like I’m not contributing financially. That all the work and effort I’ve poured into all of this since April has no meaning because I haven’t made a penny.
I was ok with not making money in the beginning because I just wanted to be published have something behind me. That’s why I sent articles to magazines that didn’t pay as I was just hoping that I could get my start somewhere. And I did – I became published in two non-paying magazines. The money wasn’t an issue then because I was gaining a little confidence and getting published.
But now if I am calling this my living, shouldn’t I be making a living? At what point does it go from work to hobby? I feel that I have been at this long enough that I should be selling my work now. Perhaps it’s just an ego thing as well, because for some reason, despite being proud of published, despite having enormously wonderful feedback and support from this site, I feel embarrassed to admit I haven’t made a penny. It’s especially hard because people always ask how much I make. Their curious to know what kind of salary a freelance writer has. And frankly, so am I.
When should money matter? Money is such an issue, which is why I suppose no one ever talks about it. In every book I’ve ever read about living your dream and being true to yourself, not once do any of them mention money. The closest I ever heard was “do what you love and the money will follow.” I’ve accomplished part one, now I’m just waiting for part two.
Perhaps I’m just not working hard on the money side of it. Maybe because my focus was so intense on just getting comfortable and getting out there, that I just didn’t look at the money side.
Now it’s time to look, hard.