Dec. 12, 2001
My eyes won’t stay open much longer, my fingers are too tired to type and my brain pleads insanity from exhaustion. I’ve just come off a mad literally non-stop 4 day run of writing.
I was working until 4am and then would rise at 8am to start all over again. I’d forget to eat or get up and stretch my legs. Instead of paying attention to the dishes, the laundry, the phone calls, I ignored it all and did nothing more than write and create.
There were so many ideas swimming around in my brain and for the first time in awhile, I was able to make sense and record each and every one of them. Websites were redesigned, others were started. Writing projects long put off were completed and people I had to write to now had emails from me in their inbox.
Not once in all this work did I tell myself to stop, even when perhaps I should have. I kept going and working and instead of being cranky about working at 3am, I was excited at how much I was doing. At one point I noted to myself that if this were any other job I would have been bitter – very bitter. I would have demanded to know why I was working such long hours because it’s just not human. I would have wanted to know what would my compensation be for working such long, demanding hours? I would have watched the clock relentlessly for lunch breaks and coffee gatherings. I probably would have made a fuss, especially if I had to work the weekend.
But there I was, doing the exact same thing, without direct pay, without compensation, without breaks, and without complaints. In fact, I was happy about it all. I felt good about it all. I felt accomplished about it all. I hadn’t worked my arse off so much in a long time but somehow, it just didn’t feel like work.
It reminded me of when I met an old man who was a wood carver and sold all his beautiful toys, dishes, shakers, and various other wood projects. Once I exclaimed when I looked at the detail of his wooden toys and said, “Look at all that hard work.” He heard me and with a wink replied, “That’s not work, it’s play.”
I understand that now. That is why after all that hard work I still long to do more.