I never understood people who were successfully and happily working in a field they loved. How did they know their calling? I certainly didn’t have that feeling of knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up, let alone find a job in it.

Before all of this I was frustrated beyond belief at what to do with work because over and over I had heard people say “do what you love to do, and figure out how to make money from it.” But I had no idea what it was that would make me happy – I only knew what made me unhappy, and that wasn’t much help.

I would read about writers and they always knew they’d write. I read about singers who always knew they’d sing. I read about photographers who were snapping pictures on their little Kodak cameras at age 6 and knew that’s what they wanted to do. Designers, graphic designers, parents, lawyers, doctors – they all seemed to know and I didn’t.

Very slowly, the idea of wanting to write came into my head. It wasn’t a bolt of lighting but just a little voice that came into my mind once in awhile. In April, it all came to a head when I got a push from an outside source and the rest is history.

One day a few months after I had begun to write full time, I went through my childhood boxes and discovered in them were countless things I had written until around age 15. There were short stories, journals, novels, poems, letters, and lots of random bits. I literally had boxes full of books of writing – writing that I had done all on my own, for fun, and just because. The one thing that struck me the most out of all my writing was that over and over in my journals were the words, “When I grow up, I am going to be a writer.”

I couldn’t believe that I was so passionate about writing and that I had declared so bravely and outloud that I would be a writer. How I forgot about such a passion and declaration I’m not sure. I can only assume that life and growing up responsible got in the way.

One thing is, I know I’m not the only one who had a dream as a child and forgot it along the way.

My husband works in a high-powered corporate tech position. Although he loves his job and his field, he began to feel there was something missing from his life because the only thing that his identity was based on was his job – and he was more than that. At the beginning of this year, he began to question himself and what he wanted, but he kept coming up short with answers. He tried to search for things he loved to do but had absolutely no clue at all. He also felt he had no time to find out. Then, one day about 4 months ago, he decided that he’d learn to play the guitar I had bought for him over a year ago. One day a week, for half an hour, he drives to a little nearby town and takes his lesson. He wasn’t sure if learning the guitar would be a good thing or not, because he was so afraid of failing at it or not liking it as much as he thought he would. But he went, each week, regardless of what the world was doing. And he began to enjoy himself and come out of his shell and release his creativity.

He found his passion.

Now he asks himself why he didn’t start years ago. But years ago it just never dawned on him that guitar and music was his passion, even though now, it seems so obvious.

Then, today, he sent me this email:

“I just remembered yesterday that when I was younger I was fascinated with electronic keyboards (musical). I got a small, cheap one when I was 9 or 10, and got a couple more over the next couple of years, of increasing size and complexity. I never learned to properly play them, I just loved messing with the effects. I also had a cheap toy drum machine with drumsticks, and also a pair of those drumsticks that you can play on anything. Even before that, I had played with recording music off the radio and making mixed tapes, messing with connecting tape recorders together and dubbing. I made up names for my “band” and constructed little cassette tape inserts with original artwork.

I totally forgot how into it I was. It culminated with a couple rap songs that I recorded onto a cassette when I was about 13, complete with keyboard drum beats and voice samples and effects, and I made up an insert for it too.

It’s weird because I was totally on the path to recording my own music and I’m not sure what happened, why I stopped. Puberty hit, and I got angsty and broody instead, or something. Ever since then I always fantasized about making music or being in a band but I never took it seriously until I started doing guitar this year. I’m still not sure I’m taking it seriously because it’s scary.

It’s just crazy because when you write about how you always loved writing and always knew that’s what you wanted to do, I envy that because I think that I’ve never really had anything like that. But maybe I kind of do and just didn’t realise it.”