Jan. 01, 2002

I’ve never reflected on the previous year when New Years comes around because before each year was just there. Sometimes there were grand adventures and sometimes there were just months filled with boring, everyday days. But this year, this year something happened.

I acted for myself.

This time last year I would never have thought that I would have gone out on my own and become a freelance writer. Last January that wasn’t in the cards. Working to help support my family and help put Chris through school was. I was counting down the days until my raise and I was listing all my accomplishments at my corporate job. I was also feeling anxious, depressed and for the first time in my life, a little regret. Regret that I had wasted two years and would keep wasting more.

However in April the situation changed. I changed. I took the first step and believed in myself just enough to get me to listen to my heart. That one step has turned into the biggest, scariest, most beautiful and rewarding journey of my life thus far. It also allowed me to get back to being the person I was before I hid it in suits and 8am meetings.

It has also taught me a great deal. I’ve learned so much from all of this, more than any trip overseas, time in a classroom, or book riled with wisdom.

I learned to act for myself and do as I needed. I learned that no matter how scared I am that I can move forward. I learned to have patience. I learned that just because you have a dream, doesn’t mean living it is easy. I learned that nothing is handed to you, you have to work at it. If it is handed to you, you still have to work at it to maintain it. I learned to ask for help and advice. I learned that being scared is not only OK, but normal. I learned that I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible. I learned that my 5th grade teacher was wrong. I learned to accept frustration is a part of life, but not a deterrent. I learned to stop questioning myself so much. I learned to quiet the voices of those that don’t understand or believe. I learned to raise the voices of those who do. I learned that nothing happens over night, but if you keep trying, it does happen. I learned that if one way doesn’t work, another will. I learned to live from the heart. I learned that I am vulnerable but also strong and brave. I learned that nothing makes me happier than knowing I live each day doing what I am meant to do. I learned to do as much as I can each day. I learned to replace the word “failure” with the phrase “it just didn’t work out.” I learned that tea really is a godsend at 4pm. I learned to feel proud. I learned that I am not the only one who has gone through this or will go through this. Above all, I learned to never waste one moment ever again.

This year has changed me in ways I wouldn’t have imagined last January. I feel there has been some amazing groundwork laid and that for 2002 and now I can really focus on the work of writing, because most of the mental work of shifting gears is out of the way.

Here’s to 2002.

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