April 30, 2002
I’ve taken back my writing and I’m going full steam ahead – this time it’s business.
Knowing that I didn’t make any money at writing last year doesn’t bother me, because last year it wasn’t about making money. Instead, it was about becoming comfortable with being a writer and myself I did that, I think, rather successfully.
However, now it’s time to start to make a living at being a writer, now that I am confident I am one. This is a new area for me, and like all new areas, it’s a bit scary and overwhelming. Sometimes I’m tempted to buckle at the pressure but instead, I’m learning to look at it as an adventure. Because in some regards, it is one.
This morning I had a talk with a friend of mine who also runs her own business. We were talking about at which point does it go from work to hobby, and is money the deciding factor. We also talked about how we were both getting honest with money – that it is important and you have to be realistic. Though, we discovered that sometimes being realistic about money is scary because if you don’t have it, you can feel like you’ve failed.
Although I’ve made some money it’s not near what I want and I know if I don’t start to make more soon I’ll be tempted to discard all the progress, publishing, relationships, and wonderful moments just because I don’t have a penny to show for any of it. I don’t want that to happen, I don’t want to ever think I’ve failed because I’m not rich.
Instead, I want to be able to prove that you can make a living, so it’s time for me to start.
I’ve found a whole bunch of books on marketing and writing for money and will start to buy them as soon as I, well, have money. A new copy of Writer’s Digest had some contests and some leads for writing, and I’ve already followed up on a couple of them. I’m investigating all options with regards to money – selling my artwork, selling books, selling more articles, expanding my writing to write anything. As long as it’s creative, it’s beneficial to me and I’m happy to do it, I’ll do it. I’m not so afraid of taking on jobs or doing other things that don’t have to do with writing, because I’m a writer now and that won’t change. But there’s this thing called survival and sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
Not that I’m looking for a part-time job or anything because I have to see if I can make money at writing first. I honestly haven’t tried that hard before because as I said, money didn’t matter. But with the computer breaking down, the car needing to be replaced and life just happening, money matters now.
And somehow, I just feel able to deal with it all now, and know it’ll all be ok.
April 25, 2002
Between the surgery, the illness, the vacation, the high school reunion committee, the docent class, and the husband, there hasn’t been much time for writing the last few months.
I find it really absurd to say that, and almost embarrassed to admit it. I the girl who screams that people won’t leave me alone, have found that I’ve been spending more time doing other things than writing, despite the fact that writing is supposed to be my job.
I’ve kept telling myself that after April 27th I’ll get back to writing full time because I know that to be a successful freelancer you have to put in over 60 hours a week of actual writing. Yet because of that time stamp, I’ve also allowed myself to slack tremendously with regards to beginning or finishing any piece of writing.
There are so many day entries yet not completed, the portfolio to update, the travel writing to finish, the newsletter to write, the magazines to query, the book to finish. So much work yet I’ve ignored it all for the most part.
If I were in a corporate job, I doubt I could have taken such an extended vacation or called in sick, yet I’ve allowed myself to do things that have taken away from my job as a writer. That weren’t silly things, they were all important and some unavoidable, but they overtook me. I just didn’t make time to write.
Nothing hit me so clear as when I picked up a copy of The Writer Magazine today, and it featured a big article on how to freelance successfully. It also had a quiz and one of the questions asked was are you willing to put in the time. My answer is yes, although I have had a funny way of showing it.
A lot of email I get is from people who are in 9-5 jobs who wish they could write. I tell them to write whenever they can, between lunch breaks, before dinner or at midnight if they have to. Never forget to write, don’t forget your passion.
I think I need to take my own advice.
April 20, 2002
This day last year, was my very last day in Corporate America.
I remember the feeling of euphoria I felt as I packed up my generic desk, said goodbye to my cubicle, relinquished my parking pass and walked home. I remember how good it felt to take off my business attire as soon as I got home and know that I’d never, ever have to fix another copier.
I was ready to leave to corporate world and anxious to embrace the creative one. Because I was making such a dramatic change in my life, I saw things as black and white. Corporate world bad, Writing Life good.
At the time, I didn’t have the experience, wisdom, or time to see that seeing things that way was just not fair. I hadn’t had the distance yet to appreciate my corporate job and instead, I used it as an argument.
The truth is, I needed the Corporate World.
My first corporate job gave us stability and money that was crucial at the time. My soon to be husband and I had and I had just driven across country to move to Seattle. All we owned was in our little beat up Toyota. We were also dealing with immigration and a wedding coming up. We had to find a place to live, buy groceries and get established. By landing a job in the corporate world, I was able to deal with all my financial responsibilities.
But that job was more than just financially beneficial. By working in three different corporate jobs I learned skills that have become essential now that I am running my own business. Things such as marketing, sales, communication, time management, multitasking, presentation, responsibility, organisation and yes, how to collate. I learned how to focus, be professional, pull all-nighters, how to ask for what I want and how to get it and most importantly, I learned that I am a fantastic, hard worker.
The other thing I learned, which is perhaps the most important, is that I will do what it takes to survive.
My second corporate job, though in an amazing company that paid me very well, was in fact, horrible. My boss, the Vice President, was extremely verbally abusive. During my 10 months there, 19 out of 23 people in his department had quit. I wanted to leave, badly, but at the time my husband wasn’t working and we had rent to pay and groceries to buy. I didn’t have the luxury of quitting a job I hated to become something less secure. I had to stay in that job so that my husband and I could survive. And we did.
At the time it seemed hard and unfair, but the truth is, it was reality. It was something I had to do to get me where I am today. Without the Corporate World I wouldn’t have grown up and learned certain business and people skills that I needed. Without the Corporate World I wouldn’t have been able to pay rent or help my family survive. Without the Corporate World being a writer wouldn’t mean so much to me.
People often ask me if I could go back, would I have skipped the corporate world altogether? When I answer no they’re often surprised. I did what I had to do, and a person can always learn from that. The only thing I would do differently is to not let the corporate world take over me as it did. I would have tried to find a way to let the writer in me come out, even if only during lunch breaks.
April 19, 2002
Finally, a space opened up at the Post Office and it’s now official – I have a business address.
Somehow, having a PO Box seems to help me feel like I am now running a legitimate business, rather than just writing as a hobby. It helps to have business correspondence go to a private box rather than directly to my home. This way, the line between work and home is less blurred.
As well, having a box allows me to finally get some business cards, take payment online for my art and not have to worry about missing packages at my door.
It also just gives me a tidier, easy address than my home one, which is a good thing considering all the mailings I’m going to be sending out.
April 18, 2002
The past several days have been completely useless. Despite the heavy workload and deadlines that are fast approaching, I’ve done nothing. Literally nothing.
I’ve made bogus attempts, sitting at the computer, forcing out garb, but none of it’s been worth anything. I haven’t made any progress because I just haven’t wanted to deal with writing. I’ve been making excuses left and right and sadly, I was happy when the cat threw up all over the carpet so that I would have an excuse to stop trying to focus on writing and instead on cleaning up.
Part of my funk is my still lingering fear of failing. While I’ve made peace with the fact that despite any and all efforts, fear will always been around, I think it’s been more prominent lately. I’ve stepped up, making more demands on myself and writing and going to new levels. I think because it’s uncharted territory I’m scared of it. I’m no longer in my comfort zone. I keep reminding myself that I felt the same way a year ago when I began and look at how far I’ve come now. Still, it’s scary to move forward.
Part of it could also be the weather, having not seen sun since August. Or maybe it’s partly due to my cold or something simpler such as brain rot. Whatever it is, it’s here, blocking me.
At least I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. It looks like over at Loobylu she’s understanding exactly where I’m at. I know this mood will pass, I know I’ll get back to kicking some ass sometime soon and I know that for as long as I’m writing there will be dry spells such as this. I’m learning to deal with them better instead of beating myself up over them, but still, it’s a royal pain in the arse when I have work to do and I just can’t do it.