I’m working on a new idea over at Another Girl at Play. Shortly there will be a charity mug for sale and on it will be the Another Girl Logo, the site’s name and web address. Money raised from sales will go to charities related to art.

I had this idea for a while, but resisted acting on it until I was 100% sure how to proceed and had the support of all the women on the site. Both things have happened as well as another interesting bit.

Most of the women on the site said that while they thought this was a fabulous idea, I should be pocketing the money made. I had a hard time with that thought for a few reasons.

For starters, the site has touched so many people and continues to be a huge source of inspiration for so many. I have a hard time thinking of it as “my site” despite the fact I created and maintain it. It’s the women who participated that me the site what it is – I just put the code together and shout out a monthly newsletter. I didn’t want to make money based on other people’s efforts or make money on something that wasn’t solely mine.

I also didn’t want to take money because I felt that defeated the purpose. The site can do something for other people, financially speaking. If a lot of money is raised it can be turned into art scholarships, help people start art based businesses or just be donated to art charities. I didn’t want to take away from the giving or the power that creating something like that had. I felt it selfish to take when you’re trying to give.

When I shared these concerns with others, I kept hearing the same thing over and over:

Your time is valuable. Your efforts are valuable. You are valuable.

Hearing that message repeated over and over, I knew that my views had been all or nothing; either I make all the money based on something only I do or I give all the money away despite the fact I put in effort. I realised that my thinking was not only wrong, but not doing anyone any good. So I found balance.

I can give back while taking in, and really that’s how things should be done. Energy needs to move and by taking in and giving out, I’m creating some kind of cycle, a balance if you will.

I decided that to retain a small portion of the sales – money to cover site maintenance, hosting fee’s and my time put in. The rest of the money will go to places where it’s needed, places that get art into people’s hands.

Learning to be OK with receiving money when I’d happily do something for free is a learning experience. Taking money for writing articles is one thing, taking money for doing something worthwhile like Another Girl is another – but I have to. It’s just a matter of valuing yourself and time. If I keep telling others to do it, I should be able to as well.

With the book proposal finished and ready to go out, I am getting back to my business of travel writing.

A lot of things (research, queries, & articles) were put on hold while the proposal was in the works. I felt like I couldn’t start or finish anything else until I finished one project. It was as though I was punishing myself work-wise by saying, “you have to finish one project before you begin the next.”

For me, this is a dangerous way of thinking as I am someone who enjoys having their hands in multiple projects. The excitement of things in the works keeps me going while concentrating on one project hours on end makes me bored and resentful.

In fact, now I’m back up to speed with a renewed sense of energy that I haven’t felt since last spring. My hands are into everything and I’ve fallen in love with my work all over again.

Being OK with how differently I do things stems from the knowledge that it works – for me. Trying to fit “regular schedules” or others’ ideas of how things are done, doesn’t. As a creative person, I thrive in the freedom I’m allowed, and when I try to take that away from myself to be normal, I begin to fail.

Since I have the freedom to work as I please, I’m going to enjoy it whether it be up until 5AM as I was this morning, or waking at 8AM to begin it all over again.

I have a lot of work to do and I’m glad of that not only because I love to work, but love what I do and the freedom I have to do it in. If I stop doing things they way I like to do them, then I’ll eventually just stop being interested in my work as I found this summer.

And there’s nothing good in that.

I’ve learned to be a successful freelance writer, I have to play by the rules. And to play by the rules, I have to know them inside and out.

When I first began, I was naive enough to think that all I had to do as a writer, was write. Of course I’d mail off my work, a publisher would see it’s potential, offer me a great deal of money and praise me as they published my words.

Wrong.

There’s a sequence of events, a way of doing things in the writing world, and I’ve been learning them all for a very long time.

I’m aware of the processes – think of an idea, query a magazine, if accepted write the article and if rejected start all over. But even with the knowledge of what to do, I wasn’t exactly sure how to go about the process.

A while ago, I purchased the book, Writer’s Guide to Queries, Pitches & Proposals by Moira Anderson Allen and checked out the accompanying website, and these two things helped me get my ideas from my head and into magazines. Not only do I understand the process now, I’m a successful part of it.

As much as I like to toot my creative horn and flail my fists at linear thinking, business is still business. To get paid, there are certain rules I have to follow. I don’t mind, in fact, these are the first rules I’m not aimed to break.

Words included: “It is possible. not easy, not overnight, not without pain,” and “If it’s nagging you and you choose to ignore it, it’ll continue to nag you until you do it. If you don’t do it, you’ll hate yourself and would always think ‘what if’.” and “If you don’t stand up for what you want, then it’s not going to happen. You made one of your dreams come true, I’m sure you could make another one. Besides, if it’s difficult, that’ll just make the rewards all the sweeter.”

I’ve learned that most book proposals take 3-6 months of continuous writing to complete. Thirty-five pages is the average length of a book proposal and the hours? Countless.

Knowing that the book proposal process is one of the hardest things a writer can do should comfort me – but it doesn’t. I’m frustrated with it all, and sometimes I feel like just giving up.

I’m told there isn’t a market for a book like mine – no one wants to read journals or stories on pursuing a dream. Yet with the countless emails and visitors to my site, I beg to differ. I’m unsure, however, if I should differ so loudly.

My travel writing is going well, and I’m to do some public speaking. That should be enough, though if it were, I wouldn’t have the nagging feeling to finish the proposal and get my book published. And if I’ve learned anything over the last year, it’s to listen to your gut. Because it won’t hush until you do something about it.

For the most part, I’ve kept to myself. I haven’t joined any writer’s networks, support groups or attended conferences. I haven’t even offered any writing to friends to read through first. Solitude has been working for me, though I’m sure it has slowed my learning process.

An important writing conference is coming my way in October, and I’ve been debating whether or not to attend. My main motivation for going is to get help/inspiration for my book proposal – a process that has come to a complete halt as of late.

I know I need to find information and perhaps even talk to others on the same path, but I’m hesitant. Networking sometimes concerns me as I don’t want to spend my time just “talking about writing” – I actually want to do it. I’m unclear if spending $200 on a 3-day conference actually puts plans into actions or is jut one big pep rally.

I don’t know, I’m torn. This is a new arena for me and perhaps I should step into it to see if it’s something worth pursuing. After all, I already know that going it alone works. Maybe I should see what else does.

I haven’t felt like writing much. Blame it on bad weather, cabin fever, lack of fresh air. Actually, blame it on lack of motivation.

Even though I have articles that must be written, I have literally found one point five million reasons to avoid beginning any of them. None of them good mind you, so instead of just doing the inevitable of writing them, I’ve been dealing instead with guilt, frustration and fear of starting.

Once I begin a project, everything is fine and I always ask myself what took me so long. It’s just the process of starting that sometimes is hard and lately, impossible.

Today, however, I decided to get over myself, kick my own ass and start working.

I sat at my desk and stared at the blank screen. Nothing. I didn’t know where to start and was tempted to just give up until later. But I knew that later would be just the same. Instead, I remained in my seat and said to myself:

Write anything! Write a letter, write a paragraph. Write 2 facts. Write anything – just start typing!

And I did.

At first, I was in such a state that I wrote haphazardly. One paragraph here, another there. One sentence way out there and a word at the bottom. However, after awhile of just writing for the sake of it, I began to get my rhythm back. I found focus, inspiration and most importantly, an article.

As usual, when I was finished I asked myself what my problem was. Why was it so hard to begin? I couldn’t think of a smart answer. In fact, all I could think of was, sometimes it’s just that way. And the only thing I can do about it is to just keep trying to move forward, even if I don’t want to because usually, that’s what works.

Even if sometimes I don’t want to admit it.

People with big houses, fancy cars and fat bank accounts don’t make me blink. Women with new, hip clothes and hair without frizz don’t either. What makes me green with envy is that she was able to write 500 words effortlessly. Maybe I could have handle the 500 words a day part, but the effortlessly got to me.

The reason I’ve been sitting here all morning, accomplishing nothing more than a “Hi Mum” email. It’s one of those days.

Tomorrow I’m sure my fingers will be flying across the keyboard once again and I’ll be making fantastic progress on my proposal, articles and emails. But for whatever reason today I’m just not writing much of anything, especially not 500 effortless words.

Exactly how many hours until tomorrow?