August 08, 2002
I haven’t felt like writing much. Blame it on bad weather, cabin fever, lack of fresh air. Actually, blame it on lack of motivation.
Even though I have articles that must be written, I have literally found one point five million reasons to avoid beginning any of them. None of them good mind you, so instead of just doing the inevitable of writing them, I’ve been dealing instead with guilt, frustration and fear of starting.
Once I begin a project, everything is fine and I always ask myself what took me so long. It’s just the process of starting that sometimes is hard and lately, impossible.
Today, however, I decided to get over myself, kick my own ass and start working.
I sat at my desk and stared at the blank screen. Nothing. I didn’t know where to start and was tempted to just give up until later. But I knew that later would be just the same. Instead, I remained in my seat and said to myself:
Write anything! Write a letter, write a paragraph. Write 2 facts. Write anything – just start typing!
And I did.
At first, I was in such a state that I wrote haphazardly. One paragraph here, another there. One sentence way out there and a word at the bottom. However, after awhile of just writing for the sake of it, I began to get my rhythm back. I found focus, inspiration and most importantly, an article.
As usual, when I was finished I asked myself what my problem was. Why was it so hard to begin? I couldn’t think of a smart answer. In fact, all I could think of was, sometimes it’s just that way. And the only thing I can do about it is to just keep trying to move forward, even if I don’t want to because usually, that’s what works.
Even if sometimes I don’t want to admit it.