Archive for September 2002

One of the problems I faced in the corporate world was losing my sense of self. I had ceased to be Alex – the girl who travels, laughs and finds pennies. Instead, I became a living zombie who dreaded everyday.

When I took control of my life and decided to do what I wanted, everything changed – my outlook, my personality and my life. It was a beautiful thing.

I was finally able to do anything and everything I wanted. I could write all day long and into the night. I could do watercolours, take an art class, volunteer, travel, visit friends, break for tea, take walks, whatever. Anything interesting that came along, I now had the ability to do it – and I did.

A whole year and a half of this and I had slowly begun to wear down while my life revolved around writing and creativity. I felt I had to eat, sleep and breathe it and if I wasn’t, I was somehow misusing this new life of mine. The guilt was constant.

In August I realised that I was in dire need of time off, so I booked a vacation. However, I couldn’t just take a vacation because I am a travel writer! So I made my vacation business and business it was. Talking with people, taking notes and being overly conscious left me very tired and weary after the trip. Even though I was on a high from my first big assignment, I was overwhelmed. And the worst part was I didn’t want to admit it.

Only days back from my hectic trip, I had company. And only days after that company leaving did I have more company. I tried to hide the fact that I was overwhelmed and cranky because the company was good and I wanted them to visit, especially since I had the time. I thought their energy would reneergise me – but it didn’t. Instead, it left me in a pile of blah.

It didn’t help that I had 72 emails waiting to be returned – emails that demanded that I make the deadline, friends asking for creative advice, people wanting me to proof their work that I had agreed to, questions that had to be answered, stories that had to be told, demands for advice on how to be creative just like me and concerns from people on why I hadn’t updated the site in twenty-two days.

My brain was fried, literally fried. I didn’t know how to respond to 72 emails because I didn’t even know how to respond to myself. I was a mess. An overwhelmed mess yet instead of taking time to regroup all I could do was think of how I had to get back to work. How I had to be creative and use my time properly. How I had to nap, walk and make it all worthwhile. All the “have to’s” started to eat at me and I became so utterly useless.

In a fit on the floor, I stopped for just a moment to ask myself who the hell was I? What had I become?

The answer? I was a girl obsessed with creativity and writing. If I wasn’t writing, I thought I had to be creative. If I wasn’t being creative, I thought I had to be doing something productive. I had become almost this automatic zombie just doing things, trying to fill up time because I thought I was supposed to. I was trying to find balance but only balancing “doing things”. Even my relaxing, quiet time was work. There wasn’t anytime left just to be.

It hadn’t been something I wanted to admit. I wanted to be able to do it all. I wanted to pull that off but the truth is, I couldn’t. I’m a writer not Super Woman.

I had to take a break from who I had become so I decided for the next week I would stop everything, go into hibernation and regroup. I stayed at home, tucked inside, with no schedule whatsoever.

It was so miserably uncomfortable at first. I felt lazy, I felt useless and I felt like I was a big fat nothing. I was antsy. I, the girl who won napping contests and loved nothing more than to sit by the lake to watch it talk, couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t be alone with myself. I felt if all I had done was talk about writing and creativity for the past year that I had to be doing it and if I wasn’t, I didn’t know who I was.

On the third day of isolation, however, something wonderful started to kick in – me. I started to relax, so much so I even got to sleep in. I baked a cake and didn’t mind when I found out that my baking is still inedible. I took long walks without rushing to get home to record an idea. I watched trashy tv, skipped reading emails, and put the watercolours away. I swear, I even giggled at my own jokes.

I found myself again, which seems like a strange thing to say I know. But I had become this entity for writing, for creativity, for liberation and so that’s all I thought about and did. It was like I had had a baby which was all anyone could talk about. I forgot that I can take time off just to be me and that just because I can say yes to so many things, doesn’t mean I actually have to.

With my head successfully out of my ass, I made a plan – stay in hibernation for winter.

I spent the rest of the week alerting my friends and family that I wouldn’t be visiting or receiving them until at least January. I canceled some up coming trips, conferences and lunch dates. I re-organised my office by getting rid of useless papers, saving much needed ones, putting up shelves, making it cosy and finding the perfect spot for my tea mug. I also rested like mad.

There were projects that I had just started and canceled some while I streamlined others. Websites that I maintain were put on hold for the next several months (save this and my travel portfolio), and I caught up on all my email. I stopped taking on any new projects so that I can finish all my current ones without pressure. I also stocked up on supplies of quick made food, bubble bath and the imperative glossy mags for those nights of doing nothing but relaxing.

When I was canceling and shuffling things around, I felt the selfish pang again. I also felt like a total bitch for declaring to myself that a simple lunch date with a friend really was a hassle. But I realise if I hadn’t done all this, I’d be sitting here typing in an overwhelmed state – and what use is that? Instead, I’m calm, cool and terribly excited because I feel able to deal with everything now.

Although learning what I can and can’t do has been a challenge, it’s been an essential lesson. To keep enjoying what I do, to keep moving forward and to keep my head out of my ass, I have to go scale back on work and play a little more. I have to stop taking on the world and remember to say a little hullo to a girl named Alex who writes for a living and smiles on her time off.

I’ve made a lot of decisions lately – the best? To go into hibernation.

With too much time being spent away from home, a continuous flow of guests and an unbalance of energy, I’ve come to realise that if I just think that I won’t do anything more for awhile it doesn’t stop me. I have to declare it.

The last of my guests are arriving this weekend but after that, I’m accepting no one, save an afternoon latte with a friend once in awhile. If people need to me to visit, I’ll kindly tell them I can’t until next year. Any new projects to start I’ll have to decline until I have a firm hold on all the ones I have now. I’m declaring myself a homebody – I need to.

Doing so doesn’t mean that I’ll only be working – on the contrary. Taking time off from others gives me more time to myself – something I haven’t had for over a year. Instead of cleaning the flat for company, I can spend it reading. Instead of taking several hours to drive somewhere, I can paint. Instead of recovering from an overload of information, I can concentrate on my work. With the freedom to put myself out there, I went overboard.

It’s like a kid in a candy store – your first trip in you want it all and only after you make yourself sick do you realise moderation is the key.

The energy I had when I came home from my trip soon turned to feeling overwhelmed.

An unexpected visit from a dear friend took up three days of work. I have plans for this weekend, an appointment next week, several parties coming up, another trip, a conference and a volunteer program to start. My schedule is booked until January.

It has literally been a year since I’ve spent a solid month at home and when I am home, I seem to be out. It’s my fault – I take on too much without asking if I really should.
Working hard at one, two or even three things I can handle. But I’ve put my foot in every pool and I’m even though I’m only half way in each, I’m drowning. I took the energy I had and used it up within a week. I’ve rendered myself useless so quickly and this isn’t the first time it’s happened.

I’m a believer that you’re handed the same problem over and over in various forms until you honestly figure it out. Feeling stressed over my schedule has given me a wake-up call to stop this pattern.

I have to stop trying to do everything I want because I just simply can’t. I end up doing some things half ass’ed, losing interest in others and resenting my work. I’m overloaded because I shouted YES! Now I have to figure out how to politely say no.

There are some commitments I can’t back out of, but there are some that I can. I will declutter my schedule, slow down on incoming projects, get back to my routine and focus. I’ll also try to find a month (or perhaps even two) where I won’t have to leave the home, have guests over or think of anything other than a few work projects.

I’ll also try to spend some time alone – without trying to write, create or be inspirational. It’s hard, however, when your home and office are one and you have done nothing but eat, sleep and breathe your work for the past year.

I’m at the point where I literally need to be forced to slow down. This is where a gift certificate to the local spa would come in handy.

A lot of people bitch about rejection but I am one who actually finds use for it.

When my first book proposal was rejected, I didn’t weep for hours on end and fall into a heap of despair. Instead, I asked myself why was it rejected and the answer was obvious – it was crap. I took the publishers reason of rejection (there isn’t a market) and used that as a catalyst to make a better proposal. And I have.

If I query a magazine and get a rejection letter back, I ask myself why was it rejected. Was it a bad article? The wrong kind of article? A bad query? By answering these questions and examining the reasons why something didn’t work, I ultimately give myself a better chance of success next time.

A great example was I queried a magazine for a travel article. They told me they couldn’t use it at this time but liked my style and asked me to submit some more ideas – a successful rejection! If all I heard was, “NO!” then I wouldn’t now be working on a new article that will be published.

Sometimes, there’s just plain, nasty rejection where someone’s having a bad day or you remind them of their Aunt Ethel who made them eat brussle sprouts for breakfast. If my work is good and is rejected on the basis of “We just didn’t like it” I don’t take it personally – I just try to sell it somewhere else.

I’ve learned that for every no you get, you’ll receive a million yes’. Unfortunately the ‘no’ voices always come in louder than any yes. So sometimes when you’re rejected from one source, you don’t hear the acceptance from others. The key, is to remembering that not everyone has the same opinion.

Of course there will be people who will reject your work, but there will be a hell of a lot more who will accept it. You just have to find them.

I spent the last week on a whirlwind business trip and discovered that the old saying is true. You do need a vacation after your vacation.

One night here, one night there, meeting with people, talking business, driving, it all added up to a very busy and tight schedule. I enjoyed it however, especially the business end. I got to meet people in the travel industry and talk travel – something I do best.

It was good that I did my first large-scale assignment in an area I was comfortable in. After spending two years living in Banff and several months living in Lake Louise, I knew the area, hotels and tour companies inside out. Meeting with hotel PR was easy because I understood the market and the properties. I also was treated like royalty – a definite job perk!

Although it was at times straining to balance taking notes with just sitting back and enjoying the scenery, it was a really good learning experience for next time.

It taught me how I want to work and what kind of travel writing I want to do. I know that I’ll never do a trip like this one again – too many places in too little time left little for writing about my experiences and more for simple critiques. I realised that this is something I truly love doing because it combines my passion of travel with my love of writing. I also discovered that I’m good at it – making deals, talking with travel people, noticing details, and writing about what I’ve done.

However, the most valuable lesson I learned from this trip was that on the next one I’ll be more indulgent with time – both personally and professionally. I’ll make way for the afternoon nap and set aside time for just taking notes. Because if I don’t find a balance somehow, I won’t last long as a travel writer. And I really want to.

I’m leaving tomorrow on a business trip.

I’ve spent the past several weeks organising it – talking to sales people, arranging hotels, receiving press packets. I’ve been gathering article ideas, working on queries and all the while I’ve been thinking over and over, “This is what I want to do.”

When I first began writing I wasn’t sure what kind of writing I wanted to do. I was completely baffled by what I’d write, who I’d write for and how it all worked. All I knew is that I wanted to write.

I started to write human interest pieces because I had done that on a personal website for years with much success. When I submitted those articles to an editor, she rejected them but was interested in my website and asked if she could publish some entries. She did and I received such an amazing response from readers of the magazine that she published my entries again.

I became an Inspirational Writer.

The title always bothered me as it’s been my goal even before writing to be an inspiration by doing and not just by talking about something. I wanted to show people that it can be done because I did it and not just because I could write a good article on it. However, without direction and confidence, I continued to write inspirational essays.

It worked for me for awhile but I knew I wanted to do more. As I learned more about who I was and how I wrote, I realised that I needed to move into another direction, and travel writing seemed like a good place to do.

Getting into travel writing was hard because it was so different than what I was writing – it was a challenge that scared me at first but then slowly excited me.

The transition took awhile but as I gained confidence in my skills and abilities, I opened up my travel website, queried magazines like crazy and slowly started to become successful at it. By making the idea of travel writing real, I convinced myself that it wasn’t just something I wanted to do, but was doing.

And I have to say, I’m loving it.

Travel writing combines my passion for travel and story telling with my love of “making deals” as it were. Contacting hotel people and tour operators gives me that outside connection, the buzz of putting something together and the ability to share my inside knowledge (I worked in tourism for 6 years before getting into corporate America).

It’s taken me a lot of trial and error over a long period to find my niche in the writing world, but I’ve found it. And finding it has helped re-energise my passion and interest in writing.

I’m no longer drifting in the writing world – I’ve found my home.