When I talk of my break from writing, the first thing people ask is, “for how long?” Right now, I don’t have an answer and I’m OK with that.

I’m at the same point now as I was just before I quit my corporate job when I knew I had come to the end of something and needed to start on an entirely new path. Just like back then, I don’t know what I’m moving towards, I just know it’s different.

There’s opportunity out there for me, I just have to figure out what I want and I’ll get it. I don’t say that to be cocky but I’ve learned that by naming a desire and working for it, you achieve it. For me the hard part is naming it.

I want more than just to write, that’s all I know for sure. I know that right now I need to focus less on writing, less on sharing and more time just being with myself and discovering who I am and where I’m going.

Rather than walking blindly, I’ve decided to wait and listen for signs of when (and how) to move. That seems ridiculously since I constantly tell people that action is the only thing that gets things moving but since I’m not sure what action to take, I’ll simply wait until I do.

In the meantime, I take each day as it comes. I’m not sleeping through it or waiting for a light to hit me and tell me what to do. But I’m just taking a break from trying so hard, especially on the roads I’ve already taken.

This journey has been amazing so far, but I know there’s another one out there, ready. I’ll put my foot down as soon as I know. I have a feeling it’s not too far away.

When people discover I am a full-time writer, they often say to me, “I would write more if I, too, had all the time in the world.” I usually just smile when I hear that because I know better; you don’t need all the time in the world to write, you just need to make time.

When I was in the corporate world with a nine hour day topped with a four hour commute, I wrote – even if it was just for fifteen minutes at the end of the day. Yet when I began my writing career and finally had a full day to write or be creative I would sometimes to do anything but.

I’d surf the net, take long walks, wreck my brain for ideas and then beat myself up for not doing anything about them. I’d make up lists of chores that I had to do – even though I hate chores. I’d find necessity in doing laundry, scrubbing dishes and general flat tidying. I ended up feeling as though with everything going on in my life, I actually had little time for writing.
It took me awhile to understand that what I perceived as little time was actually a misuse of time. I didn’t know how to control my day or the excuses I made as to why I couldn’t write. Excuses such as I was too tired, unmotivated, lacked creativity, no deadlines, too busy, it’s late, what does it matter, I’ll get better tomorrow.

However, I stopped making excuses one night when my husband came home with a look of shear exhaustion on his face. He had spent a full day in a demanding job followed by two demanding university classes even with little sleep since the night before he had been studying all night long. For the past two years, he’s been doing this four days a week and some weekends which leaves him with little time for anything else. However, he takes what little time he has and uses it to attend guitar lessons, practice guitar, study, work on the home, spend time with me and even fit in naps.

Asking him how he does it all (and without complaining!) he simply told me, “It’s my choice.”
That simple answer was a wake-up call for me for here I was with all the time, few demands but little done. He doesn’t have more time in the day than I do, in fact, he has less. Yet he gets all his work done as well as all his personal tasks because he knows how to use every second of the day. He has learned he won’t have a full day to learn guitar so he has learned how to use the time he has so that he can do what he wants to do.

I decided then to make another choice – to really use the time I had. If I used to write when I had a full-time job, I should be able to now that writing was my full-time job.

Now, I’m finding, I have a lot more time and a lot less stress. Finally.

For me, the creative process is generally more interesting than the outcome so when I discovered that the author/artist Nick Bantock would be in town to talk about his work, I was more than excited.

For two-hours he spoke of his creative process in great detail; from the setup of his studio to the music he played in it. He talked of his walks to the post, people he knew, and his life in art school. He also told the story of how he created his famous work, Griffin and Sabine and how it became published. Simply fascinating because it was all so real.

He didn’t have an out of the ordinary childhood, or talents that were given to him by gods. He didn’t drink special detoxifying drinks to help him stay creative and he spoke plainly without fancy catch-phrases. He was a real man with a real passion – art – and he made it into something real.

At the end I waited in line so that I could have him sign his biography book that I own. When it came my turn we chatted for a moment and then I did something that was scary – I handed him my business card.

At first, I felt sheepish about showing him my work as next to his collages and stories, my 4X6 postcard seemed rather awkward. Yet I did it because just like him, what I’m doing is real. Although I might lack the years or talent that he possess, I’m doing what I love to do as is he. There are no special levels when it comes to people – we’re all just doing what we do.

By handing him my card, I was trying to solidify my belief in that as it’s one thing to think it and another to act on it. To accept that I’m an artist just as any other, I have to get over my fear of showing it.

Tonight, I did just that.

Taking a much needed hiatus from updating. The pressure to talk about writing all the time has taken it’s toll and left me struggling to write about other topics. I’ve spent the beginning October releasing things that overwhelm me, and this is the last.

“A starving person has nothing to offer a starving world.”

The updates will begin once again in January 2003. Until then you can check out the news section for any of my projects that come to light or the book page if I get a chance to buy some books.

My efforts will be put mostly into completing my travel portfolio, articles for print and figuring out how to really use watercolours. And if I’m lucky, watching a leaf or two fall in this most gorgeous autumn.

The first review listed is from the LA Times, the second from the NY Times and right after that is my review, listed right along with the big guys.

Even though my review hasn’t been published anywhere yet, the fact that the it was liked enough to be listed beside top travel writers is enough for me at this point – it’s a start. It gets my name out there, it gets people to my site, it gets my articles read. That’s how it’s done, I’m finding, bit by bit.

I’m laying the foundation slowly, but surely as I begin to build my career as a travel writer. Now, if I can only muster up some energy to finish those other six articles.

When I heard that line somewhere today, it just clicked with me. I got it.

The past couple of months I would call myself anything but successful, despite the fact I’ve been busier and making progress. I had created drama around my life by taking on so much, letting my brain swirl without control and not taking stock of how I was doing with it all. When I removed the drama, I knew why I was left feeling unsuccessful. It’s because I hadn’t been behaving successfully. Instead, I’d been wishing, praying, waiting, thinking and talking about how I’d achieve more things if only I had the time/sleep/energy/creativity/order/silence.

Then I realised that the only way to achieve something is to work for it – physically and mentally. I had the dream of writing since I was two but it took twenty-five years and getting off my ass to do something to make it real and achieve success.

So I’ve been spending October rearranging things and cutting out bits that don’t need to be there. I’ve been changing my behaviours to match what I want. Instead of wishing for order, I’m creating it. Instead of praying for a moment of silence, I’m giving myself it. Instead of talking about what I want, I’m doing what I want.

In the one week that I’ve been changing my behaviour, there has been huge difference in my work. I’m writing better, I’m focusing more and I’m falling in love with the whole madhap process all over again. In fact, I’m even starting to feel success once more.