Andrea,
Girl, you won’t believe what’s happening.
I spent the past two days in a state – oh I am telling you it was the saddest, most pitiful state you have ever witnessed someone being in. Since coming back from San Francisco, I realised how unhappy I’ve been with my current state. I realised I wanted to be more, do more, see more. I felt like I had completed one phase of my life (the inspirational writing, the writing on writing, the Web sites, the only being a writer) and I was ready for the next. The only problem? I wasn’t sure what the next phase was.
Usually I love a good mystery but because of the indecision and restlessness I’ve felt as of late, I wanted to know what it was that I was feeling. Sometimes the unknown is scary. Despite the uncertainty of the future, I had a feeling (though very small) that everything would be OK. I felt that I wouldn’t feel small for long because something bigger, better, and more real was going to take over. However, sometimes a “feeling” doesn’t provide comfort, and I had been edgy without knowing what would come next. Self-doubt started to take over because I wasn’t going anywhere; I didn’t want to remain in the same place but I wasn’t sure how to take the next step. The want of something different without the knowledge of how to get it was frustrating me.
This Monday when I woke-up I literally said, “I so fucking give up today” – and I did. Instead of trying to get to a place I didn’t have directions to I stayed right where I was – in a disheveled, cranky state. Luckily Chris was at school until 10:30PM and it rained like mad so I had both the solitude and storm to suit my mood. On Tuesday, I decided to continue the downward spiral and would have kept at it today had I not had errands to run outside.
After awhile of walking around outside in the sun, my dark mood had left and then it hit me – The Thought. The Thought came like a bolt of lightening and I just knew that my book was going to be published. I hadn’t thought about my book since I sent it off months ago. Yet somehow The Thought told me it would get published. Although The Thought didn’t tell me how, it didn’t matter. Just knowing made it OK.
When I get home I’m feeling good, excited and even a little nervous without knowing why. I check my email and there’s a new one. It’s not from a friend, it’s not site feedback, it’s not even spam. It’s from a very interested NY agent from an agency that represented my favourite book.
She says she found my web site from the Another Girl at Play site and loved both of them. She thought they’d make great books and when she saw that I was working on turning my sites into books she became excited. In fact, she was interested in possibly representing me! She ended her email with a note to ring her back.
Before I called her back I had to do two things – scream and check out her credentials. I screamed as I danced around the flat (much to the confusion of the cat) then checked out the Writers Market book as well as a few other literary sources. Sure enough, she and her agency are listed. I read about her and liked what she had to say and wanted to ring her straight back and tell her so. However, I knew I couldn’t ring her up gushing like a school girl so I decided to take a long walk to rid myself of the nervous energy.
When I finally did make the call, we talked a little about the book and my vision for it. She seemed genuinely interested and gave me some other ideas for the Another Girl at Play book. Before hanging up, I agreed to send her my book proposal and she agreed to contact me in a few weeks. We’ll see what happens with this.
Maybe this is the big thing? It’s not the new direction I was looking for since I was already on this path, but maybe this will lead me somewhere else. It’s a start, anyway and sometimes that’s all I need.
Alex
The Chronicles of Girl at Play began in April 2001 as a way for me to chronicle my leaving a successful corporate position to become a self-employed writer.
