October 27, 2003
I just released a negative project and it feels absolutely wonderful.
I started the project several months ago for various reasons; it was something different, it didn’t take up a lot of time, it was easy, and it paid decently. At the time I signed up for it, I was in a summer lull with my writing and decided it would be a good time to take something new and something that I could do when I wasn’t writing yet wouldn’t interfere when I got busy again.
At first, it worked out well but lately, it’s been nothing but a negative pull. With my writing picking up again, one point five million creative to do ideas and the want to only do things which benefit emotionally, financially and publicly, I decided to stop doing this project and move on.
Sometimes, stopping something I don’t want to do is easy, but sometimes, when guilt and obligation come in, it becomes difficult. This is one of the difficult ones. I don’t want to be seen as a quitter or someone who just gives up because that’s not what this is. This is about there not being any value in what I’m doing anymore and I promised myself two years ago that if I ever lost value in something I did, I wouldn’t do it anymore.
I believe that everything we do must have value, whether it be writing articles that mean something to us, designing a web site that we enjoy or working in a job that supports us. If something doesn’t have a value or benefit, then we must not do it. I firmly believe that.
A value can be as basic as, ‘this is a job that provides rent, and right now, that’s a value’ or ‘this job provides a great learning opportunity, so that is a value’ or ‘this job is getting me contacts for my future and that is a value.’ If what someone does doesn’t have value, what is the benefit?
I’ve asked myself that question with regards to this project and there isn’t a value; not financial (I make more money with other writing), not emotional (the other people’s disorganization and bad commentary are not beneficial) and not publicly (there is no helping anyone or service that I can uniquely provide). In fact, the negative energy being created by this project has taken away from the energy I could be spending in a good way on my other writing and art and that’s just not right.
So, with that, I release the project. I’ve written up a letter to inform the people involved that I will no longer be participating. And it feels good, I feel like I can breathe again and focus my energy into projects that I value instead of projects that I don’t. And that’s always the goal.