March 26, 2004
I just wanted to note that the two entries from the 25th & 26th, while are big things, aren’t the entire picture. Professionally, things are really wonderful and amazing; I’m working on a lot of great projects (writing, travelling, art & photography), I’m in the fortunate position to be able to donate my time and efforts to two charity projects involving artwork, I’m joining forces with someone to write a very exciting travel book (details to come later) and I’m really happy and content with where I am workwise. I’m not struggling anymore, I’m just now enjoying and doing.
Also, I do enjoy my life now. I no longer suffer guilt over the freedom I have, my flat has been transformed to reflect my creativity and I’m generally just really comfortable and happy. So there are no worries that I am sitting disheveled and unhappy and that everything is tragic – it’s not.
It’s just in this area, the area of feeling demands and sometimes pressure, is something new for me and when it creeps up, it’s frustrating. Yes, I delete the emails, Yes I’m OK with the hate mail (oh, I need to write about this as I find it fascinating!), yes there are people who do write nice letters but the demanding, wanting people and the uncertainty of who to trust, well, I’m just learning to deal with that. Doesn’t mean I’ve collapsed or I’m sitting frustrated at the moment. It just means it’s a part of the process that’s there – just like the enjoyment.