When I stopped working in Hollywood months ago, I also stopped going to screenings and premieres. I thought because I wasn’t in the industry anymore, I shouldn’t go. I didn’t need to network, I didn’t need to see everything, I didn’t need to keep up. I had equated going to movies with work which I had equated to no fun.

Despite adoring movies and working on sets, my opinion of it all changed because others kept telling me that what I was doing wasn’t enough. If I wanted to be successful I had to take X job, get X title, meet with X person. As soon as I did that, they said, I’d have passed a level and it’d be onto the next one. I didn’t really understand what they meant because I loved what I initially did and became confused by the attitude that movie making wasn’t fun - it was business! And all that is one of the reasons why I stopped working. Unlike most of Hollywood, I wasn’t trying to prove anything. I just wanted a little fun.

So when the work stopped, going to the movies stopped. But then a little while ago I was invited to a screening of Kinky Boots, and, since I’d once lived in Northampton where the movie is based and filmed, I thought I’d go just to see if I could see shots of the city. After the screening was a Q&A with the main actor which was just really thoughtful but also fun. It was after that screening I realised that I could go to a movie just for the pure fun and enjoyment and not because of where it’d get me or how it’d make me look.

Without having others opinions and meanings of movies or movie making involved in whether or not I enjoy something, movies began to once again equal fun. And in the past little bit I’ve gone to more screenings and premieres which, I must confess, have been not only fun, but useful. I normally wouldn’t see these films if I had to pay to go and I’d miss out on so many great little films and little bits of inspiration here and there. So I’ve learned that by saying yes to the fun, I’m saying yes to always being open to learning which is really saying yes to being personally successful.

So last week I was invited to a of Little Miss Sunshine and, without knowing much about the film, decided to go. Besides, Toni Collette was going to be there and I think she’s fabulous (and she was. So tiny!).

The movie was fun. I wasn’t expecting to laugh as much as I did - and if you see the last shot of the film, you’ll understand. But more importantly, the film also really got me thinking and confirmed even more.

The opening shot of the film is brilliant; it shows a man who is selling his “9 steps” to success. Using the mumbo jumbo self-help lingo, selling his words, using that selling tone. Then if flashes to his class - all six people. Then you follow this man home and his life is a mess, something I wrote about in a previous post which said a lot of self-help gurus sell their ideas but just don’t live them. (Which is why I think you should only trust ideas that make sense to you and you can make work but do not trust anyone who just wants to sell you a book - or seven of them). He has a daughter who, by default, is able to compete in a beauty pageant called, “Little Miss Sunshine.” The story is of this family and their trip to the pageant and then the pageant itself.

Win, win, win! Is what the self-help guru father is all about. He doesn’t want to be a loser, his kids to be a loser, his brother in-law to be a loser. He can point out which steps make you a loser, and which ones make you a winner. Everyone in his family is annoyed by his 9-steps yet, they all hold the same belief that you do one thing to make you a winner, and one thing to make you a loser. Each person in the family holds the belief that if they could just do X, they’d be winners. And when those things don’t happen, they fall apart. It’s actually a really well-done movie with real characters that, if you allow them, will get you thinking. Especially since they go from holding one set of beliefs about what success and life’s purpose is in the beginning to changing them in the end.

The interesting thing about the people in the movie is that the beliefs they first hold are common beliefs that most people have - and you can’t blame them, really. After all, I think in America especially, we’re set up for this. In school you’re taught to pass tests. If you study and answer X, you’re a winner. If you don’t, you’re a loser. If you do graduate from school - winner! If you don’t - loser! If you go to university - winner! If you don’t - loser! If you have a great big wedding before 30 - winner! If you’re single at 32 - loser! If you get a job with benefits - winner! If you’re an artists - loser! And so on and so on. We’re told that if we do x, y & z, we’ll be winners and so we try so hard to follow a pattern to make sure we “win” - after all, who wants to look like a loser?

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Image by Hel Looks

One of the most common questions I’m asked is how I work. People want to know my routine, what pen I use, what papers are best, what time I get up, what tea I like, how long my day is and so on. I tend to disappoint people when I say I have no schedule, no routine, no favourite pen, no sleep schedule (but I do go on for hours about tea). This is partly due to my personality (I don’t like routine but I do love ceremony) and partly due to my career over the past year and a half (travel writing has me in different places every day as does working on film sets).

Often people who are beginning a creative career want to be able to cling to something that has been successful for others. It’s why so many creative self-help books are sold. The Artists Way, for example, lays down the law for getting creative. It tells you what to do every day, it tells you how to think, to be. Other books tell you what markers to use or how to wear a boa properly. Better yet, other books tell you how to think each and every minute to guarantee you that success you so badly want.

The problem with these books and most self-help gurus, though, is that they don’t tell you how to be you. They tell you how to become something that might work because it maybe did for them (I say maybe because I’ve met a lot of these successful self-help creative writer/artist people who have lives that aren’t wonderful, authentic or even joyous. They just know how to market their work, they often don’t know how to live it).

I find those kinds of books really disturbing and it quite literally breaks my heart when I see creative people trying to follow the footsteps of others. Why? Because being creative means you’re creative. You do things how you do them. You think outside the box. You put random things together. You do things no one else has done. You play, you think, you dream, you work your ass off to make it real. But as a creative person you don’t follow the foot steps of someone else.

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