In preparation for the upcoming Boss Lady panel I’m participating in at SXSW, I had a long, wonderful talk with Emira today about business. Talking with her was really good; it’d been awhile since I talked business in casual, candid terms with a friend.

We talked about how we worked, some of the challenges we face, what we do about it, what’s going on etc. Hearing her perspective on a lot of things was really helpful but the one thing that stuck out the most from the conversation is when she talked about “authentic marketing.”

Both of us run our businesses very similar; we both only work on referral only. We’ve never advertised and we don’t market. Everything comes to us by word of mouth and we both currently have more work than we can handle. The only time we have to really “market” is perhaps when someone calls us to work with us. Then we explain what we do but because we love what we do and are passionate about it, we don’t have to “sell” ourselves – it’s authentic marketing.

For me, this model is essential for my survival because I don’t want to be out there hustling. I’m not good at it nor do I don’t enjoy it. There are those that do but I’m not one of them. I love talking about the work or the process but I don’t talking about the who or the what of it all – especially with people outside of the business arena where it doesn’t matter. I don’t want attention for who I know or what company I work with but I do want to be known for the work I do – and I feel they are separate.


Last year when I worked a seasonal boutique job, a friend (who is a well known actress) came into the store unexpectedly. When she saw me, she came over to me and we talked. My coworkers (who were also my friends) were in awe that I knew her and all of a sudden my relationship with them changed. Some thought I was “cool” because I knew someone so famous, some thought I was snobby and some got angry/jealous that I would choose to work a $9/hr job when obviously I could make more money elsewhere. Even though I was the same girl before and after this encounter, having a name connected with me changed how my friends saw me. Instead of talking about work or life or girly things, they just wanted dish. And when I didn’t gossip they thought I was being snotty/elite or holding back because I actually had nothing to share. I couldn’t win.

When I explained to my actress friend what happened, she said that this was the hardest thing about being in the industry for her – no one wanted to talk about the work and a lot of her peers didn’t want to be even known for the work – they just wanted fame/attention. She also said that the only thing she hated about making a movie was how she was contractually obligated to go on a press blitz afterwards and talk about everything but the movie. No one wanted to know about the set, the work, the people, the story. Instead they wanted to know who she knew, who she slept with, what she ate for breakfast, what she was wearing, her political views or about so and so’s breakdown.

She’s in the business of making movies because she loves it but she says by lack of choice she’s also in the business of being a celebrity. She tries very hard to keep a private life but people want dish. She’s a brand and that’s hard for her. And even though I am nowhere near her level of popularity/accomplishment, I understand it. I’ve become a brand and people want dish even though I made a decision a couple of years ago to not talk about clients (unless they’re friends or nonprofits who I want to help get some eyes on) and only on work and useful things that anyone can use. What does it matter, I always ask, if I say I know so and so? Does it make me cool, credible, accomplished? If it’s for a client, yes, if it’s for a regular reader or a friend, no. Work is work, I think. If you love it, if you’re good at it, that’s all that should matter to anyone who is not in a position to hire you. Unfortunately, most people expect a sort of bragging to happen on web sites and if you don’t, there’s something strange about it. If you don’t hype yourself up, if you don’t talk about what you’re doing, if you don’t sell yourself, the adage is you’ll start to lose traction and work.

This is why I rely on the referral method and authentic marketing; I don’t. I love to talk about the work, the process, the ideas. I do not like to talk about whom I know, what I work on, and the wheeling and dealings of my life. I made a decision a couple of years ago that I would no longer talk specifics about projects but instead just about ideas and the process. Because the point of this isn’t to parade a client list or just keep announcing this and that, but to help others find work they love and then do it well. Sometimes I succeed that that goal, sometimes I miss the mark. But I try.

When I shared some of my goings-on with Emira I at first felt slightly awkward as I usually do when non-clients find out. I feel that the name-dropping could be seen as braggy or the reason I do what I do but it’s not – fame isn’t my goal, just doing what I love is. When I work in Hollywood, I have to name names. I have to say companies and that’s fine – that’s business. But personally, it’s not something I want to do because there is no value. In fact, it often leads to a lot of email asking for work, connections, referrals, advice or hate. Just name-dropping doesn’t feel authentic to me – it feels like I’m selling. Talking about the work, having someone contact me because of that, and then going into details, that feels like authentic marketing. And that’s a huge difference to me.

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