March 17, 2004
I spent the evening updating my badly neglected book list. It is amazing to me how many books on writing I’ve read; I could do Amazon’s entire book review in this genre!
Several months after floundering around on my own, I discovered books on how to write, how to think, how to create. Like any creative person first beginning, I wanted to know the exact path to take. I wanted the secure, linear route. I wanted to follow steps one, two and three.
So I purchased every book that promised to teach me.
Oh, some taught me things I didn’t know and have been very handy but most books on that list have been sold to second hand book shops or given away to friends. Only a few of the classics remain because I realised I needed to know the rules, but I didn’t need to know how to implement them in my life; that’s my choice, my personal book.
I keep the book recommendations and reading list up because I know when your first starting out you crave information. You’ll read anything and sometimes, you’ll do more reading and thinking of writing/being creative than the actual task itself. This is normal.
Just remember, they’re just books – you’re the real magic.
March 15, 2004
Awhile ago, I made the decision to not talk so much about all the projects I am working on as well, to not promote all of the work I do. With this decision came a lot of happiness and a lot less worry.
What I realised over various experiences what that in a lot of writing and art circles, you’re not a somebody unless you have something to sell. Going to give a speech? Better have a book to promote along side it. Going to teach a class? Better have some artwork to sell.
I somehow became well known in a lot of circles despite never having anything to sell. I don’t charge memberships for this site or get money from advertising and I don’t want to; they’re my pleasures. But, a lot of people in the business have been bothered by this. In fact, I get a lot of rude comments and hostile behavior from other writers who have books and fancy titles because they think, “Why is she known without a product?”
Don’t get me wrong, products aren’t bad and selling your work isn’t bad. But for me, I don’t want to feel like I have to sell something for the sake of it or promote something I’m not so crazy about. I choose to only take on work I want to do and I’m fortunate enough to be in that position.
I’m creating a book right now and it’s taking me about two years to work on it because I’ve been really hesitant in making it. I wanted to make sure it would be something I would own, that I could talk about without having to sell it, that I wouldn’t be pressured into making. When an agent made suggestions I had to really sit with them to see if they were things I would do or enjoy. I didn’t want to create something just to have something to sell or rather, just to be a somebody.
Not having a book makes me less credible to a lot of people and on some levels, I can understand that. But a lot of authors I’ve met can’t stand up to their words or when you talk to them they’re trying to sell you their product every two seconds that somehow, the magic of their book is lost.
I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want to justify my work or feel like I have to be fake to someone just so they will purchase it. Perhaps that’s a bit naive but so far that kind of thought has kept me passionate and in-love with my work. It keeps me happy and excited because I’m not pushing it.
I often get written about about my marketing genius with regards to my web sites when the truth is, I’ve never marketed my work. I’ve queried a couple of times in my career and that’s it. I don’t go handing out business cards or telling everyone about my site (generally I am very quiet about this!) but the word got out. I think what I’ve done has connected with so many people because I’m authentic with my work and I’m not so worried about getting to some level, meeting some standard or being able to be in some clique.
When I first started I didn’t know about all of these things and I think that gave me a lot of freedom to just be me. The trick is to keep doing that when you get to a certain level or other people start having expectations of you or start making comments.
So, that’s why I don’t talk a lot about specific works anymore because I just enjoy so much what it is I get to do; from writing articles, to doing art for books, to photography layouts and design work. I’m a busy girl but just keeping it rather private because for me, it’s a lifestyle and not a brag book.
January 16, 2004
One of the best bits of advice I received was not advice at all; it was a statement made by my best friend, Emily.
We were walking through Granville Island, which was home to her art school as well as to many small art studios. Watching a glass blower, I asked her if she could do that.
“I don’t know,” she said, “but probably.”
A bit shocked by her confident words that she spoke with ease, I asked her how she could say ‘probably.’
She replied, “I never say I can’t before I try.”
Her words struck me so hard that day, taking away any excuse I ever had when I said I couldn’t do something before trying it. Her words have stayed with me a year later, at first challenging me and then comforting me.
I used her words when, last month, the editor for Small Spiral Notebook contacted me to help with the cover of their first print edition. My first reaction was to say no. I had never done a magazine cover before and I had never created an image specifically for someone. The fear of failing, of not being able to produce something for her, of letting her down, almost made me write her back saying I was too busy.
Then I thought of Emily’s words. I also thought about all my other jobs that I had. Because each one I applied for, I never had the qualifications for. I just thought I could learn as I went because I was smart enough and had the drive. And, sure enough, I’d get these jobs and learned as I went, no one ever suspecting I couldn’t do the tasks before.
I said YES! to creating the magazine cover and one night, I sat down and the first image:
The Editor loved it and that image would go on to be used as the cover for Small Spiral Notebook’s first print edition. I had done it and not because I was a fabulous artist but because I had tried.
On the same day my cover was accepted, I was offered two other illustration and painting jobs and one for a book and one for another magazine. Because I opened up myself, other opportunities did too.
So now I understand how Emily said what she said with ease because I, too, never say I can’t before I try.
October 18, 2003
There are two things I’ve learned about working for yourself and one of them is, if you don’t do the work, it doesn’t get done. There is no special ‘creative temp service’ to hire, no magic fairy who swoops in and completes everything with her wand and, as far as I know, there isn’t any special chant you can do either. The other thing I’ve learned is that freedom is a wonderful thing.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been terribly ill. The downside to that is that my projects didn’t go away; they’re still sitting there with deadlines and people waiting. On the upswing, I don’t have to worry about sleeping during the day and working for 10 minutes at 3AM.
Little by little, I do the work when I can. Sometimes I get a block of an hour and I work like mad to catch up on yesterdays slack. Sometimes, I only get to work in random spurts of ten minutes. Whatever it is, I find time to continue working whilst always fitting in nap and lots of tea.
I’ve learned to balance looking after myself with doing my work, something that was hard in the beginning. I used to take the freedom I have too far and think, ‘Well, I don’t have to work right now, so I won’t. Funny how much never got done or deadlines would all of a sudden appear and I’d overwhelm myself with catch-up work.
When I discovered the ten-minute rule last spring (Do anything in just ten minutes and that’s it), it changed things for me. When I don’t think I can do something or I don’t have the time, I take just ten minutes because I’ve realised that doing something in ten minutes is doing something, and creates something that wasn’t there just 11 minutes before.
Sometimes people think to be creative or have a create job, one must spend it takes lots of time and freedom. But if you have another job, or pneumonia, sometimes all you can work in is little slots of time.
And really, if you try and work hard in those few minutes and build them up over a period of time, they’re enough.
September 26, 2003
I currently have more projects going on than I know what to do with; there’s the book proposal that I’m reworking at an agents suggestions (yes!), there are several travel articles I have to complete, one being a test piece for a potential ongoing job and there is also a new site I am trying to launch this fall.
Despite so much happening, I’m sitting here slowly typing, sipping tea and being rather relaxed. Panic attacks, anxious moments and the fear of time have subsided greatly over the past year, especially once I realised that writing wasn’t just one assignment, it was a lifestyle. And I plan on having a life for quite sometime.
When I first started, I was so incredibly (an uncharacteristically) anxious. I wanted everything to happen now. I had followed other artists for so long, I had dreamed of writing for so many years and I felt I knew what I wanted do waiting for my ideas and wants to materialise was extremely hard. It was even harder when I wasn’t sure what I was doing and when I wasn’t sure how to get to the next level.
I sometimes became so overwhelmed with all that needed to be done and the short amount of time I felt I had that I would stop working and just anxiously and nervously wait. Wait for someone to save me, to tell me what to do, to give me ‘steps.’ I thought if I could just follow a pattern that worked and was tried and true, I could instantly have it, whatever ‘it’ was.
However, when I thought about having it I never thought about would happen after I got it. I never asked myself, ‘if I was given everything I thought I wanted right now, what on earth would I do with the rest of my life?’ My jitters never made me see long term and that was a huge part of the problem.
One day, I finally made the connection that writing and creating was my life and living can’t be done in a week. I also realised that anything in life worth having is never easy which is why it means so much when you get it. Chances are, when you accomplish something it’s because you had to put in time, you had to earn it, and most of all, you had to live it.
With that understanding, I began to slow down. The worry that I used to have of never accomplishing something, of never getting anywhere, of never fulfilling some goal quickly faded and I began to enjoy my work instead. I once again became patient, knowing that if one project didn’t work out my career wasn’t over, I could try again tomorrow, next month or next year.
I also began to enjoy the process of learning, of figuring things out, of taking time and having ideas shift and change into other things. Sitting with time instead of running with it, has helped me not only to be a better writer, but a happier one.
And there’s nothing worth doing if it doesn’t make you happy.
September 24, 2003
What was plaguing me on September 05th is now making me rather proud.
When I realized that I am ultimately in control and that yes, one person can close some doors but others can open them, I decided to participate in the project on my terms. This means that when I received my bit that was to be in the book to review, I decided to rewrite it as I wasn’t happy with how it had been edited. Although no words had been changed, the meat of what I was saying, my ideas, my truth, were taken out and I was left saying fluffy things that didn’t make sense.
I decided if I am going to participate, I must be happy with it and it must represent what I am about. I rewrote my bit in a clever and smart way; clever so that it sounds like what they are asking for but smart in that I’m saying what I need to in the way I need to. That means that they get what they want and I, I get to feel satisfied instead of mortified.
I got my ending.
Elsewhere