July 18, 2002
In a couple of days, I’ll be leaving for a one week trip. Part personal, part business for a travel article. I’ve pitched an idea to a magazine and they liked it but with the understanding that once on the trip, the article could turn into something different. That’s how the writing goes, sometimes – you just can’t control it if it’s going to be good.
I used to read about authors who would say the ending of their own novel would surprise them and I wondered how could that be? Didn’t they plan it that way? Now, as a writer, I understand.
When I try to control my writing, the words I churn out are bad and contrived. When I just let them flow and take me where they want to, I end up on an interesting journey. It’s only during the editing process do I control which word goes where.
This way of writing has also helped me to write more. Before I’d wait until I had it all sorted in my mind which, by the time I had an ending I would have forgotten the beginning. Or it would take me so long to figure out an ending that I just wouldn’t start writing at all. Not much went down on paper.
By just writing, even short paragraphs or two, my brain keeps working. I call all the bits I don’t use ‘practice.’ Flexing my writing muscle so I don’t forget how to use it.
The idea of perfect first draft went out the door long ago and now I concentrate on just getting the writing done first, and then worrying about how to make it great.
That system makes things not only easier, but a lot more enjoyable.
July 15, 2002
Normally at this time, I’d be heading off to bed. However I’m just starting work.
With the in-laws arriving last week, an out of town family party on the weekend and more time having to be spent with the in-laws, my normal morning work patterns have been torn to shreds.
Truth be told, I haven’t had time to write.
A lot of people email me with the same problem. I always tell them to find time whenever they can – be it five minutes between lunch, an extra half hour in the morning or late at night. Just write.
I realise with my own lack of writing, it’s time for me to take my own advice.
With articles due, queries to submit, updates to make I don’t have time to not have the time. I have to find it – even at midnight.
So here I sit, when everyone else is quiet and gone and the only sound happening is the clicking of the keys. Yes, I’d rather be asleep but there’s work to do. If I don’t do it now, I’m not sure when because my regular schedule won’t happen until August. The work just can’t wait, and truthfully, either can I.
July 10, 2002
The most important thing to do is make a decision. Once that’s done everything else just seems to follow.
When I made the decision to write, doors I never imagined opened up. When I made the decision to do travel writing, I was able to move forward at an alarming rate. When I made the decision to act like a business, a foundation started to form.
Working can be hard, but sometimes committing to a decision can be even harder. Trusting that it’s the right decision is one thing, trusting that if it’s not that you’ll survive is another.
I think that’s why I’ve finally been having successful months – June and now July have been busy. I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone and making decisions to try something new. Not thinking about it, not worrying about it, just doing it. And because of that, things are continuously happening.
July 09, 2002
It’s 80F outside with nothing but sunshine and a light breeze. Working at my desk I see the lake in all it’s blue glory. I hear the splash of the pool and happy birds chirping. I want to go outside.
I already snuck time off this morning – up to the cafe where I sipped a latte for an hour while I read The Alchemist. I also weeded my balcony garden, hosed down the outside furniture, and had a leisurely lunch before I started to work.
And I have worked; two new queries that just need tweaking, sites updated, and another travel article completed. There’s more in me to go, but at the moment al I want to do is just play hooky.
It’s hard for me sometimes to just take a trip down to the beach and work there, especially when I have really good excuses such as there’s no air conditioning in this flat. However I tend to remain at home, inside because of the guilt factor.
My husband has to work in an office building. He has to sit at his desk Why should I be able to just do what I want, when I want? I still haven’t given in to the luxury and freedom of working on my own. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem “right” to have fun, take off or work in a different way.
Even though the freedom is something I wanted and a good reason why I left the office world, I’m still trying to learn that it’s OK to work differently than my husband, my friends, and anyone else who is in an office. I’m still trying to be comfortable with how I work and still learning exactly how that is.
June 25, 2002
With my internet access back up, my websites finally operating after 24 hours of being down and email transferring again, I feel like I can get back to all the projects that I’m more than a week behind on.
My first priority today was to finally get my Press Packet mailed off. Due to time constraints the packets I’m having printed up at a print press won’t be ready in time for the group that needs it now. With Microsoft Word, Adobe PhotoShop and a little creativity, I was able to create a good press packet beginning.
The hardest part for me was the obligatory Press Packet Photo – a frightening step for me. Although I’m twenty-eight, the magic of Oil of Olay keeps me looking as though I just turned twenty – which I’m told will be something I’ll appreciate when I’m 52 but now it’s sometimes bothersome when I try to assume credibility.
I was worried that I might look to young in the photo until I realised there wasn’t much I could do about it unless I caked on makeup, figured out how to use eye-liner and try to find a pantsuit to wear since I gave all mine away. Instead of trying to pull off some kind of “look” I decided to be me. Because if I’m not, then all my talking about trusting yourself and doing what you need to do doesn’t have any credibility – and that can’t be fixed with any photo.
The Press Packet Photo oh my! With my regular look, I took out my Nikon Digital Camera and within the first few clicks saw a photo I could use.
When my husband came home I showed him the photo and asked him what he thought.
“It looks like you,” he said.
“Yes, it does,” I replied, smiling.
June 24, 2002
Sometimes, I’m absolutely positive it would have been easier to have a career as a Rocket Scientist.
I have not only been dealing with setbacks that are out of my control, but a heavy workload on top. It’s been hard to keep going when it seems like everything is trying to push me back. The one thing I’ve learned that is if I stop, it all stops. So I have to keep going no matter what – even if I don’t want to.
At one point, when everything was collapsing, I sat at the computer and just cried as I continued to work on my book proposal. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone – give into the feeling of frustration and continuing to work. Despite all the problems and my sometimes lack of courage, I haven’t given in to pity. I haven’t thrown my hands in the air nor have I flailed my body around on the floor. I’ve been trying as best I can to just do what I can do, and trust me, it has been one of the hardest things at times. Especially when all I want to do is just crawl under the covers and pretend that all I was meant to do on earth was nap.
I have asked myself when it will all get better, when will I get a lucky break, when will someone fix it all for me so I don’t have to do anything but show up each day. I received an answer when I randomly read my horoscope.
It said:
I felt that was a really sound advice that made sense to me. Sometimes when things are so bad we want to give up and surrender to something bigger while we wait for “luck” or “magic” to save us. The truth is, we can only save ourselves. If we don’t take the step, we’ll never get the journey.
Dreams don’t happen simply because you dream, they happen because you invest yourself in them and do something to make them real. And when you do, you’re rewarded in ways you never thought possible. That’s the real luck right there.