My favourite movie of all time is Lawrence of Arabia and when, a few months back, I was able to see it fully restored on 70mm film in an actual theatre (complete with intermission), I was in absolute heaven. It is what a movie is all about from how it began, to how it was filmed, the how it was completed and then the bonus of how it well it was received.
The footage of how the movie was created, to me, is part of what Lawrence of Arabia is. What was supposed to be a 6week project turned into three years. As Peter O’Toole has said of the movie he went in a young, inexperienced boy and came out a very changed man. And he was changed not by how the movie was received but the process of making the movie itself.
So much of the movie is amazing to me; the cinematography blows me away every time I see it and was especially mesmerizing when, in the theatre, I saw for the first time little bits of sand drifting across the desert. The acting, the script, the costumes, the direction, the music – it is everything and more. It is why I fell in love with movies and why I love working on sets. It is the process of creation – the hard work, the long hours, the creativity, the messes, the camaraderie – that is what suits me best, keeps me content, and gets me up in the morning. Everyone on the set hopes the outcome will be worth it but for most people who work on it (set designers, costumer’s, craft services, cinematographers, actors etc) are doing what they love and loving the process. Each day, each set, they are worried only about that moment – and not the outcome. That’s what I was always about, too – the moment. Enjoying each moment and feeling good at the end of each day that I’d done just that. This left me with wonderful stories to tell, a sense of pride, feeling full or tired from a hard days work. The outcome {money, success, rewards, brownie points} never, ever were a part of my living process. I never cared if I came out with a bazillion dollars – I only cared if I enjoyed the day.
However, last night I realised that this philosophy had gone the way side when, sitting in a gown with the hair done and lipgloss on, I was debating whether or not to go to an after Oscar Party. At the party I’d mingle with the whose who of Hollywood, I’d wear a smile and be annoyed when talking to people seeing how their eyes are always moving, looking to see who better to talk to. I’d have to make the trek into Hollywood and rub shoulders with starlets who are in the business for the end product – the parties, the fame, the attention, the money. I wouldn’t relate, I’d feel dirty and I’d come home early. Because for me, the celebration would have been at the Oscars themselves, when people who did the real work would be doing the real celebrating and talking about what they did and “do you remember when…?” stories and not at the after parties where everyone shows up to try to get some coverage and show that they’re cool.
I’m not cool.
